It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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