Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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  (310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them. http://tfl.nu/3swr
  Replies (5) Good night (993) Bad night (1062)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

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  (620): I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs http://tfl.nu/06cn
  Replies (32) Good night (1933) Bad night (3774)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

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  (917): Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste. http://tfl.nu/mscz
  Replies (9) Good night (3615) Bad night (1832)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.

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  (303): What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad. http://tfl.nu/nd1v
  Replies (12) Good night (2317) Bad night (966)
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  (909): View more from California

  What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for

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  (909): What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for http://tfl.nu/e5by
  Replies (18) Good night (1778) Bad night (807)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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  (832): You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you" http://tfl.nu/nnn7
  Replies (1) Good night (2563) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  next time we drink: battle shots.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.

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  (403): next time we drink: battle shots. (1-403): battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out. http://tfl.nu/hwdw
  Replies (9) Good night (1254) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal

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  (905): I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal http://tfl.nu/u38b
  Replies (6) Good night (2047) Bad night (756)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar

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  (403): there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar http://tfl.nu/sljc
  Replies (13) Good night (1459) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.

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  (616): Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening. http://tfl.nu/2jna
  Replies (7) Good night (1464) Bad night (689)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.

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  (504): You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men. http://tfl.nu/6nuf
  Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?

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  (330): What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old? http://tfl.nu/jxml
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...

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  (970): he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands... http://tfl.nu/z4i5
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk

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  (508): I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk http://tfl.nu/le2i
  Replies (1) Good night (419) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak

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  (306): of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak http://tfl.nu/lfx1
  Replies (7) Good night (534) Bad night (443)

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