I cannot find my penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.