I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.