apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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