you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
