ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
