Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
