I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just had sex on a roof
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
