Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
