Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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