She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
