Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
