This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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