kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
