my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
