just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
