I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
