There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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