I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize