wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
