I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
