she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
