Where is the hickey?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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