i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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