scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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