dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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