He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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