Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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