IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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