We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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