So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
BRING THE BAGELS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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