pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
