He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
