And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
