I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
don't judge my taste in strippers
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize