Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
