i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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