now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
