An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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