porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The beer is more important than you right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
