You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
