Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
