You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
