four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
