oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
