Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
