the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
