this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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