oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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