So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
