not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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