I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we should paint friendship bongs
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