Me. At least after what I've been through.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
