dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
