that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
