every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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