May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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