You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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