The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
