dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
