Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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