goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
