I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
