Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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