if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's like iHOP with fire
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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