Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
