We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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