Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
