Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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