I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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