I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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