just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
