Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
