I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want to fling myself into the sun
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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