At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I am morally bankrupt
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
