i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
