Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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